Every so often, I scroll through Twitter and see 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:a news story about the live-action 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Minecraft movie and shudder in horror. I get imposter syndrome a lot, but knowing that somebody took a game with such a strikingly simple aesthetic - blocks - and pitched a live-action adaptation which then g♓ot greenlit is unbelievably reassuring.

Minecraft is a blank slate. You start in a vast, empty, randomly generated world where the only limit is your imagination. Spin-offs like Legends, Dungeons, and the Telltale games have tried to bring story into the mix, but it's always generic fantasy that loses the appeal of Minecraft’s do-it-yourself attitude. It’s a sandbox, you’re the one who writes the narrative.

But we’re living through a boom of video game adaptations, so of course Minecraft is having a go. And rather than a cutesy cartoon flick a la 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Super Mario Bros., it’s going for live-action. Either it’ll be a weird film about a man in the woods punching trees for 90 minu𝓰tes, or it’ll be Human Centipede-level nightmare fuel. I’m not sure which way it’ll land, but I’m 🅘going to try to answer the question of “What does a live-action Minecraft look like?” anyway.

Body Horror

Minecraft, like Lego, is a very basic but incredibly flexible concept. Everything is made of cubes. If someone said, ‘We’re making a live-action Lego movie!’, you’d probably punch them in the face. What is Lego without the bricks? Same goes for Minecra𝕴ft and blocks.

So, live-action Minecraft has to stay true to what the game is known for. That means 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Jason Momoa and Jack Black’s faces contorted onto fleshy, realistic, blocky humans. To make matters worse, they’re living out their days with awkwardly stiff limbs that don’t bend, wedging pickaxes through their cube fists as they toil away in the mines. Gruesoꦚme stuff.

Guy Punches Tree, Goes To Hell

Option number two is you make a Minecraft movie without blocks, which is like having a cheese toas🦋tie with🍸out cheese.

Minecraft starts with us punching trees to get wood, which would probably translate to Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, and all the others camping in the forest, building up supplies until they find obsidian and are able to restore an old Nether portal. Basically, a bunch of people in the ༒woods go mining for a bit and then visit hell and see realistic zombie pigmen. No matter which way you cut it, this movie is going to look grotesque.

Jumanji

Gotta be ho🅘nest, watching people gathering supplies for an hour to visit what is essentially a big lava ocean sounds dull. So🥃, here’s my third theory - they’re gonna rip off Jumanji.

We know Sebastian Eugene Hansen, who is a kid, is playing a character called Henry. Maybe his new second-hand PC bought from a dodgy bloke outside Curry’s sucks his dad (Jason Momoa) into Minecraft where he meets Jack Black’s Steve who has been trapped inside of the game for years.

Jack Black also starred in the two new Jumanji movies, soꦑ this would be even more derivative.

Black teaches Momoa how to survive, they meet others, and the group finds a way to break out. My gut says this part would be animated so it’d at least feel more like Minecraft, but they keep saying the movie is live-act🐠ion so I’d hinge my bets on it being like Jumanji - realistic with game-y menus and mechanics.

Not Minecraft

The fourth and final idea floating around in my head is that a live-action Minecraft movie won’t look like Minecraft. There might be some of the basic iconog🐈raphy like creepers and the End Dragon, with names like Steve and Alex, but it’ll be some generic fantasy flick using Minecraft as a very loose foundation. So, Telltale but unrecognisable.

If you can’t tell, I don’t have high hopes. Minecraft is one of the worst properties to make a live-action movie out of, but here we are. Mojang could have had its own ⛄Lego film, but instead, it’s going for the 1993 Mario approach - it&rs🐈quo;s a bold strategy, Cotton.

Maybe I’m wrong and it’ll be peak cinema, but I’m hedging my bets on it being another dud in the video game movie canon. Either way, Jack Black pl🐟aying Steve has piqued my interest, so I’ll be the๊re, dumpster fire or not.