It's been a hot minute since Skyrim launched across the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC platforms. Now, the game has been ported to every succeeding gener꧑ation and platform known to man. It wouldn't be surprising if we found out that the game was playable on a touchscreen Samsung refrigerator.
This multi-generational game that is destined to never die has given us ample time to soak in every nook, cranny, Dark Brotherhood hideout, and Dragon's Lair in the land of Skyrim. Ergo, if you're a fan you've likely talked to some of the weirdest characters Bethesda could conjure up. And by weird, we mean they can say some pretty strange things.
8 "Everything's For Sale, My Friend. Everything. If I Had A Sister I'd Sell Her In A Second." - Belethor
There's no missing Belethor on your travels as the legendary Dragonborn. He's the primary merchant available for trade, business, and colorful banter in Whiterun. The shop on your map called Belethor's General Goods is a pretty good clue as to where to find him.
As a supreme capitalist, he makes no apologies for his entrepreneurial spirit. Belethor lets you know that if you see something in the store, it has a price. Even if that something were his hypothetical kin. "Everything's for sale, my friend. Everything. If I had a sister I'd sell her in a second," he proclaims. Hold your horses there, Belethor. That went from zero to ten mighty fast.
7 "My Fingers Are Too Short. I Can't Get Them Out!" - Madman
Random encounters are some of the most exquisite moments in Skyrim. That's because they really do feel completely random, mostly in an awkward sort of way. On a river bank, you can encounter a fellow aptly named "Madman." Engage with this delightful chap, and you'll learn exactly why he's considered a madman.
He'll tell you that he knows secrets from the Black Book. Then he refers to a mysterious entity that put them there by saying, "it shoved them in there. With black slick fingers." Sure, that's an awfully weird way to describe something. But what comes next doesn't even compute. "My fingers are too short. I can't get them out!" What?
6 𝔍 "What A Waste." - Random Villager
In Skyrim, the world is your oyster. Literally. You can go anywhere and do anything. If you want to slay innocent villagers, go for it. If you want to tease the guards, it's your party. But whether you kill an innocent bystander or murder a guard, the world can't truly feel alive unless it reacts to the brutal killing, right?
Well, Skyrim offers a few variations of civilians reacting to the bloodied corpses you leave in the streets, but they're not exactly normal. Some will say, "What a waste" before turning around and walking away. The sentiment here is, of course, that death is a waste of a good life. Still, the killer is either standing right there or at large making this a reaction fit for a funeral, not a fresh crime scene.
5 &q🍸uot;But Then I Took An Arrow To The Knee." - Every. Single. Guard. ꦆ
Here we go. You've heard the memes. It's probably one of Skyrim's most quote-worthy lines. It'll probably become hilarious after you hear it for the third time from a guard in Skyrim. After approaching any particular guard who's primed to play this meme-able card, you'll greet him or her. Then they'll randomly say, "I used to be an adventurer like you. But then I took an arrow to the knee."
Oh, really, Mr. Guard? Did you quit the adventuring game after taking an arrow to the knee, good sir? And then you decided to trade that career for a more "relaxed" one that involves combat readiness? The truth is that the Dragonborn suffers worse than an arrow to the knee. So the two are hardly alike. Truth be told, 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:they're all a bunch of liars using the same line to strike up small talk.
4 💮 ꦑ "Be On Your Guard At All Times. Avoid Sleep If You Can... Sleep Is For The Weak." - Isran
Sometimes a character has to flex his gruff and tough masculinity and say something kind of stupid to bolster that machismo. They're often growly and absurd one-liners that make us chuckle. Think of Jesse Ventura's Blain in Predator and his, "I ain't got time to bleed" line. Given his apparent mortality, nothing about that makes any sense, considering he's bleeding as he speaks.
Isran, the Redguard leader, is sort of the Blain of Skyrim. He's stoic and a bit rough around the edges, at least based on his posturing. And he says mindless things like "Sleep is for the weak." But you know, let's not forget that a lack of sleep is what actual makes one weak. You can even catch him in his own hypocrisy slumbering away in his chambers. He might even jump right into bed after rattling off this line.
3 "You're Kinda Fuzzy. What's Wrong With Ya? - Embry
Embry can often be found in the Sleeping Giant Inn in Riverwood. He is known for hardly working while knocking an ale or 20 back at the bar. So, yes, that'd make him the local drunkard in theory. You can even enable his constant need for strong libations by fetching him an ale.
You're probably thinking, "of course, he's going to say something weird. He's a drunk!" But it's actually all in the dialogue delivery this time around. In one of your random interactions with Embry he'll say, "You're kinda fuzzy. What's wrong with ya?" While reading this, you probably envisioned a man slurring his speech in a state of intoxicated stupor. But you'd be wrong, he utters those words completely with his wits about him making it sound even more ridiculous.
2 "Let Me Guess, Someone Stole Yo💯ur Sweet Roll." - Whiterun Guard
Let's be honest, the guards mostly say random things cherry-picked from a collection of phrases and dialogue options. Some of it makes sense, given the task at hand or the surrounding circumstances. Other times, they do not.
One such instance of a bit of dialogue feeling out of place is when a guard says to you, "Let me guess, someone stole your sweet roll." Why would that be a go-to when approached by a big burly Dragonborn outfitted with armour made out of dragon parts? It's the kind of line you might deliver to a frantic child running up to a guard for help. It's an awfully strange greeting. It seems the guards in Skyrim need to put others down in order to make themselves feel better.
1 ✱ "Vampire Dust. Seriously? Oddly Enough, We Do Have Some On Hand." - Gianna 🐈
When posing as a cook, you can help this strange sous-chef (apparently) by the name of Gianna craft a delectable dish called Potage le Magnifique. Of course, there's probably a solid recipe that you should follow. But you can go off the rails if you want, and Gianna doesn't even bat an eye.
If you select Vampire Dust instead of, you know, a normal consumable ingredient like mead, she will add it to the pot. "Oddly enough, we do have some on hand," she says. Yes. Odd, indeed. Heck, you can even add a giant's toe. And what do you know? Gianna has one of those, too. Weird.