I recently came into a lot of money. A lot of money. More cash than I’ve ever seen before in my life. I won’t detail exactly how I got my hands on this fortuitous windfall, but let’s just say an abandoned GalBank ship needed relieving of its carꩲgo. Sure, my wife had an argument with me because of th🧸e innocent blood that could be shed as a result of my actions, but she’ll come around to my point of view when she sees the beautiful penthouse apartment I’m buying us in the centre of Neon. It’s not like Andreja doesn’t have her own secrets, anyway.
Anyway, I worked hard for my share of the loot- sorry, I mean my regular salary payment of a quarter of a million credits. I knew exactly what I was going to spend it on. A bartender who sold me some completely legal party enhancements (honest – that stuff is a-okay on Neon) had mentioned he was taking offers on 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:a penthouse apartment. I’ve 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:bought a fancy ship and souped it up with better engines and a shielded cargo hold, so I don&rsquo𒈔;t need another vehicle – I need a place to hang my space hat.
Credits burning a hole in my pocket, I headed to Neon and paid for the penthouse inꦦ cash. The bartender is a good soul and didn’t ask any questions, dutifully handing over the keꦚy. It’s the most money I’ve ever spent, setting me back more than my fancy ship and my best rifle combined. But I wanted a nice apartment, so I didn’t bat an eyelid as nearly 250,000 credits left my account. I headed to the lift, excited to check out my swanky new apartment for the first time. But I had no idea of the horror that I had in store.
The lift dinged, indicating that I’d reached the top floor. I pictured t𝕴he expensive decor, a plush bed to rest my head, and the views. The views. The vibrant cyberpunk lights of Neon, seen from above for the first time. You can’t fly into the city without a generic cutscene but this would be the next best view, like being in a plane on Bonfire Night. I entered the apartment expecting an electrical Aurora Borealis. What I got was Birkenhead’s Christmas lights.
That’s doing a disservice to Birkenhead. The single-room apartment was barren, devoid of fur🍰niture, personality, oꦚr anything else. I hadn’t reckoned that I’d have to decorate it myself. That was fixable, though. What was worse was the layout. It’s basically a two-room apartment. There’s a bathroom, sure, but other than that it’s one large space separated by a set of stairs. The kitchen was all fitted in one corner, which is handy, but it would be a stretch to even call it a maisonette.
The kitchen and bathroom are next to each other on the upper level (bizarre, I know, but I can’t change the layout) with an aw൩kward gap between. It’s not enough space for a table or sitting room, but feels empty with nothing there. Besides, the lift door opens right into it, so you can’t clutter it too much. Down the small set of stairs is the large rectangle that’s presumably for everything else. It’s bare and too small for both a living area and bedroom, but it’ll have to do I guess.
Worst of all is the window, or lack of it. There’s a space where a large window should be, but instead of glass it’s fitted with metal. You can’t see out. No vist♛as, no neon, no Neon. Think the balcony will fix that? Wrong. Even if you suffer through the loading screen to get out onto the balcony, Neon is practically covered up. You can see some kind of dock or loading area filled with massive cargo crates, but the city proper is completely covered. All you can see of the vibrant high street is a vague glow through the translucent roof.
In that moment I felt like pitching myself off the shitty, grey balcony onto the shitty, grey ground below. All those credits, all that work, for this? After a minute of breathing access and maybe one save-scummed suicide attempt, I decided to make the most of my situation. I thought back to all my hours with The Sims 3 and watching Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen on daytime TV and decided that I could make this something. The trouble was, I hadn’t put any skill points int🀅o interior decorating.
My options were dull. I crafted lots of houseplants, which was a start, but all the furniture looked like it belonged in evil lairs buried deep within the planet’s surface. Shelves were all metal affairs like you’d find at a hardware store, and my bed options were sleeping bags or bunks. I did manage to repurpose a ‘Caution: Hazardous Waste’ sign to go above the toilet to find some humour in it all, but my options were dull a💫nd my apartment derelict. Toilet humour wasn’t what I’d promised my wife in our expensive 𓆉mansion.
I put down some rugs to cover up the awful grey carpet, and did the best with shelving units and display cabinets. I put some artwork on the walls, and daubed the faux-window with posters of alien p﷽lanets so I could imagine I wasn’t sleeping in a 250 grand cell. It looks a little bet⛄ter at the end of my work, but I need to grind some levels to unlock more furniture, and that’s not something I can be bothered to do.
If you’re also embarking on a journey that might make you a lot of money, whether through piracy or more legitimate means, heed my advice: don’t buy the Neon apartment. I don’t care how many hours you’ve got in The Sims or how many skill points you’ve put into crafting lavish settees, this penthouse is beyond saving. Just stay the night at Vladimir’s place on X 🐬instead. It’s stunning, and I’m sure he won’t mind.