Everyone is simping for Hades 2. 🦩In other news, water is wet and pigs can’t fly. This sequel was always going to set off our horny receptors, with the original introducing us to all manner of buff, charming gods from the Greek pantheon we couldn’t help but fall for.

But Hades 2 takes it one step further thanks to a greater array of body types and a knowing appreciation for how flexible ‘sexy’ is as a term. There are girls and boys whoꦺ are buff, slim, fat, disabled, and owning their attractiveness in ways that are easy t💮o admire. And as a girl who is unasha🎐medly bisexual, I honestly don’t know where to look with a game like thiꦛs.

Hades 2 Is Every Bisexual’s Dream

One thing I’ve always loved about the Hades fandom is how shameless we are ♓regꦛarding our attraction to these characters, but it never takes away from how deep, interesting, and well-developed they are as individual people. If anything, it only makes us more interested.

It’s because their appearances are the first impressions we get, and we only become more infatuated with characters like Zagreus, Thanatos, and Megaera as we learn about them. I love toned abs and chests as much as the next person, but emotional attraction often goes so much fu🧸rther than pure looks. Hades has both, and that’s why it hits so damn hard.

So, to celebrate the Hades 2 technical test and 🔯the coming arrival of early access, let’s take a trip through some of the new character designs and what m🎃akes them so wonderful.

Hades 2 Characters - Melinoe, Princess of the Underworld

Zagreus set a high bar, so any protagonist following in his footsteps would need to ♚slay. Our girl Melinoe does just that in a variety of wondrous ways. I mean, just look at her. Geဣt it, girl.

Her orange dress that cuts off at the top of her thighs is accompaꦡnied by a gorgeous mixture of armour and jewelry that not only complement her outfit, but also allow her to be agile and guarded in the midst of battle. I especially love her glowing green arm where bones are viewed from the outside, like there is a spi🦄rit operating from within that keeps the limb operational.

As a sibling of Zagreus, there are myriad parts of her design which reference her family. You have a folding crown, two differe🐻nt eye colours, and a hairstyle with a penchant for flicking after you do something cool.

Hades 2 Characters - Hecate, Witch of the Crossroads

Abs... When I look at Hecate that’s all I can think about. Those chiselled featu🐓💧res have put a spell on me and I couldn’t be happier. Acting as Melinoe’s mentor and impromptu guardian, it seems Hecate has been outfitted with a number of features that help stress her experience as both a warrior and a caregiver.

Much like Nix in the previous game, Hecate possesses a motherly vibe that you can’t help but appreciate. I also love her excessive witch൲ hat and cool, flowing cloak.

Hades 2 Characters - Odysseus, Veteran Tactician

This charming fellow is one of many new faces found within the Hades 2 hub world, known this time around as ‘The Crossroads,’ which🌃 will no doubt shift and change as you progress.

Odysseus would treat me right, and judging by all the scrolls in his pouches, would plan one hell of a dinner date as he co-ordinates an outfജit that would blow my socks off. Among꧑ other things...

Hades 2 Characters - Nemesis, Retribution Incarnate

Melinoe and Nemesis clearly have some history. Every time I’ve bumped into her, she used it as an opportunity to mock my skills, or let me know🍃 that there is no way I will achieve every task I’ve set 🎃out to accomplish.

But there is also a sense of warmth to her words, as if she is eager to help but knows that doing so will wipe away the 𝓡tough exterior she puts on. Also🙈 the big tall buff lady could crush me and that would be very nice.

Hades 2 Characters - Aphrodite, Goddess of Love

Aphrodite is once again a massive🐼 flirt in Hades 2. She also doesn’t have many clothes, w🐟ith her hair conveniently covering up her flesh as she holds a luscious spear and shield.

L🥀ike Zagreus, Melinoe is incredibly flustered by her presence, talking about her first experience feeling love the second she finishes her conversation with Aphrodite. Not much has changed with her d🐭esign, and I still praise how Aphrodite is equal parts sexy, powerful, and a force to be reckoned with. I’m also very jealous of her hair. I wish mine could curl into heart shapes.

Hades 2 Characters - Hephaestus, God of the Forge

Hades 2 comes leaps and bounds in regard to body diversity. Hephaestus is crystal clear proof of that, and hopefully a sign of things to come when the game hits early access. My colleague Ben Sledge goes into greater detail about th🔴e lore implications of his design, I’m just here to simp over Hephaestus.

I am all about his long, luscious beard, hairy tummy, distinct body type, and a design which isn’t afraid to embrace his disability. His role in the game is to look cuddly and upgrade the weapons you use on your runs. A winning combo if I do say s✱o myself.

Hades 2 Characters - Arachne, Silk Weaver

I’ve only known Arachne for a couple of days but if anything happens to her, I will kill everyone in this room and myself. For the record, I am not a big fan of spiders. I hate them, but when a talking one who loves using her silk to make me new clothes shows up and wants to have a chat, I will fall ha🤪rd for them.

Arachne will pop up on occasion during your runs in a relatively safe chamber where you’re free to say hello, gift nectar, or request that she craft you a new dress complete with distinct skills and abilities. They also have unique looks, but will break after taking certain꧂ amounts of damage. I have no idea if Dusa will make a return in Hades 2, but if she doesn’t, I’ll take Arachne as a worthwhile replacement.

Hades 2 Characters - Hypnos, Sleep Incarnate

LOOK AT THE SLEEPY BOY.

WE MUST PROTECT HIM.

AT ALL COSTS.