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To All My Elden Ring Summons, Sorry I Died Like An Idiot

By 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:James Lucas

Published Mar 5, 2024

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Dear fellow 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Elden Ring players,

It’s me, Bonk the Bonkest. I’m the ginger trucker with the big stick. You’ve pꦜrobably seen me kicking turtles in the Limgrave ponds and laying rainbow stones down by Margit’s dead body. I know, I should be taking this whole ‘Stop ᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚ⁤⁤⁤⁤ᩚ⁤⁤⁤⁤ᩚ⁤⁤⁤⁤ᩚ𒀱ᩚᩚᩚthe Two Fingers and save the Lands Between’ quest a bit more seriously, but I’ve been here before, so I just wanna smack things with my big wooden club and have a good time.

I’ve been calling on your help too, like-minded strangers excited to 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:crawl into Miquella’s cra🅰cked coc♔oon. Only, I forget everything I&rs🔴quo🦹;ve learned about these games over the past ten years the second that somebody is watching me. I’m sorry.

Here are some of the bosses you watched me die to in humiliating ways

To the half-naked bright green bald man who tried to help me 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:take down O’Neil by hurling purple rocks, I’m sorry the flimsy archers that take two hits to die got th꧂e jump on me. If it’s any consolation, I spent an hour getting curb-🎐stomped. Even Torrent looked disappointed in me.

To the umpteenth 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Berserk cosplayer, I’m sorry that I died to the Erdtree Avatar. We were two hits away from victory and you were about to reap the rewards for helping a lowly stranger on the road, but I got overzealous and started bonking while it readied a magical explosion. You used the ‘Sp🍎read Out’ gesture, which rubbed salt into the wound of my embarrassment, but I deserved it.

And for the mo🐈nstrous tomato-looking sorcerer that joined my fight in Castle Morne on the way to the Leonine Misbegotten, ܫI’m sorry that I fell in the water and drowned. There were no enemies, obstacles, or any tricky platforming segments. I’m just a moron who wasn’t paying attention. It’s humiliating, and if I could write you a message in the sand saying sorry, I would.

I’ve known this embarrassment for a while now. I got into the genre with Dark Souls 2. A mutual friend who I just met wanted a cooperative partner, and my god, I’m especially sorry to y💛ou.

I learned how to play soulslikes through a 200-plus 🍌ho🔥ur playthrough with said mutual friend, dying over and over and over again to the easiest enemies, running out of human effigies so I could no longer summon help.

You stuck with me through it all for some reason and we beat the game…. eventually. And when we reconnected for 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Dark Souls Remastered, I had finally learned the ropes. But coming back to Elden Ring with Bonk the Bonkest, I feel that self-conscious awkwardness all over again, dying like an idiot to the easi💟est of bosses and enemies. I promise I’m not usually this bad.

I’ve conquered Caelid, slain Godrick, and climbed the rickety wooden foundations up towards the capital, scaling a cliff without dying once. But whenever I touch that enticing glowing sign, my brain’s wrinkles smoothen out and my rough-necked ginger trucker gets thrown into the fire. I would promise that it won’t happen again, but it will, so I’d like to say a preemptive sorry to all th▨e summons in future who will watch me die like an idiot, too.

Yours truly,

Bonk, no lon🦂ger deserving of the title, ‘the Bonkest’.