As the good L✤ord once said, “Merry My Birthday! Also, do you have a receipt for this myrrh? I am a baby.” And hark, the angels did sing. There were also a lot of loose animals hanging around and three weirdos who kept changing their story about being kings or philosophers or magicians or whatnot. Really, Christmas is the story of a bunch of nosy people crashing a family’s pretty rough night. Which is why we continue that tradition to this day.

Now, depending on the websites you read and influencers you watch to know how to think and feel, you’ve likely seen a couple guides on how to help your family have FUN this holiday season. The words ‘168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Jackbox Games’ will appear about thirteen times because, honestly, it’s cornered the market on tricking grandma into writing something gross into her phone. Obviously, at some point, the guide will bring up Overcooked, which is a great game that only two people in your family will have the patience for. There’s gonna be an entry about 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, too, because nobod꧂y has discovered that hidden germ yet.

But let’s face the facts. Christജmas is about three things: Giving, hope, and hoping you can give your family the slip to play video games. Or single-player board games if you’re the aging middle child of a family who really didn’t know what to do with you so it was just academic pressure until you cracked like an egg. That’s the real magic of Christmas and the true trick to having a good day: solitude. Or, even better, playing multiplayer games online with strangers. Because we all know that the love of family means nothing and the adoration of strangers means everything. You might disagree, but that’s because you haven’t had a hit of that sweet drug of stranger love.

So with all that iꦡn mind, here is a list of the best ways to avoid your family and play games this Christmasꦑ.

Bathroom Emergency

Let’s start easy: families are disgusting. Trust me, I know. I come from Florida and I rarely saw my dad wear more than underwear any time he wasn’t directly reporting to an elderly boss who smelled like aftershave and fish. You want your family to avoid you? Just grab your Switch or Steam Deck or Backbone-connected phone and run to the toilet and lock the door. Every so often, text a family member, “Oh God. Sorry.” Or “I’ll be out soon. I don’t know about those sugar cookies.” Trust me, this will buy you enough time to complete at least one mission in . If you’re feeling dramatic, let out a moan every so often or ball up some sheets of toilet paper, get it wet in the sink, and throw it into the to🔜ilet ꧃to make a splash that will keep anyone from asking too many questions.

Don’t actually go to the bathroom while doing this🍸ꦅ.

Pretend You’re On The Phone With Customer Service

As you turn on a video game, shout, “I can’t BELIEVE this!” When someone asks what, just respond that the game isn’t connecting despite all the connections working to connect the connections. It’s nonsense, but there’s🐈 a good chance the people who want to annoy you have no idea what you’re talking about. And even if they do, when you come at something with the raw fury of a wolf protecting its cubs, they’ll back off and leave you alone.

Pick up the phone - or better, put ♉on headphones you have connected to the console - and just use those performing 🌳arts classes you took in college to improvise, baby! The good news is we’re all dramatic on customer service calls, so nobody is going to know you’re a terrible actor. All you have to do is keep saying “Operator” into the phone, then “human being” and “zero”. Then look over at your relatives and roll your eyes like, “These companies, right?”

All the while, play that game. Every so often say into the phone - to nobody - what you’re doing. “Okay, I’m at the menu. I’ve clicked servers. Yes, I see servers. Okay, I’m loading the match. I’m in the match. But - I’m not seeing the connection! You want me to play through a few rounds? Yeah, I can do that, but this is RIDICULOUS!” The more angry you sound, the fewer interruptions you’ll get from everyone else. You can pretty much make this work for up to an hour before 𒅌one of your relatives gets antsy about eating.

Start An Argument

Wanna clear the room? Blowout argument. Pick someone’s got a new partner they’re dating. Or attack someone who’s got a new spouse they’re married to. Maybe someone who’s got a new job they’re proud of. Burn it down. You don’t need to believe the criticism for this to work, but it certainly helps. If you’ve got a long-held resen🧸tment, it’s time to unleash it! Make it personal. You may hurt their feelings, but your holiday break is only so long and ain’t finishing itself.

The rest of your family will watch with fascination until it explodes and they’ll scatter. Then it💝’s just you and your sister who thinks you should take more family vacations, but then you’re like, well, her husband Gary doesn’t🍷 want to pay for anything so you know it would be a nightmare since he hates going to restaurants and otherwise, what’s even the point of traveling? Like the customer service call, the content doesn’t matter: the raw, unfiltered anger does.

Once the argument blows over, ever♍yon💃e will want a little space to be left alone. People will avoid the family member you fought with and - more importantly - you. Then you can easily get into Starfield, a game that you will soon be disappointed to learn was not worth creating a new fissure in your relationships to play.

Say “I’d Like To Play A Game Alone”

This has never worked for me. But if you’re in a family who says the phrase “Good job” more than “I’ll give you something to cry about,” you could be in luck! Then again, that soꦯunds like you’re in one of those weird families who all wear the same shirt in group phot🌠os and play flag football on Christmas, which is a million times worse. Still! Who knows? You’re an adult now. You deserve a little space.

Say You’re Waiting Up To Give Santa A Break

Only if you’ve got kids. Otherwise, you get your luggage searched for the edibles and then mom gets publicly mad but privately asks if she can have a small dose, like, 5mg, if you’ve got it💧? How did she know about dosage sizes?

There’s a lot about your family you don’t know. They lived really full lives before you. The older you got, the more they calcified into a grot🔥esque parody of the potential they once had. Still, mom’s looking to party and she could use the break. Make it 2.5 mg to be safe since it’s been a while and she’s lost a lot of weight since the ‘80s.

Actually Try To Get Them To Play A Game With You

Whether you have a loving family like in nice paintings or a found family like in the Fast & Furious mov🐠ies, a sentence that will drive everyone from the room is, “Does anyone want to learn how to play this new, overly complicated game with me?” The interest will drop from their faces. Learning a game is work and the type of games you like ain’t so easy. And the fact that YOU want to do something with THEM turns the tables and suddenly they’re expected to do something? On THEIR holiday? No thank you!

You’re putting them on the spot. Now they have to make an excuse! Oh ho ho! “Ohhhh I’d play with you, but I promised dad I’d help him set up his Kindle.” No they didn’t! Nobody was going to help dad set up his Kindle. It’s a worthless gift; you know your dad doesn’t read. Man’s got a Santa Claus sack worth of bricks for a brain. But you’ll readily accept their reason to b♈ail because you know that this means you’re free as a bird to play whatever you want.

This is a ball you can keep in the air. Every time♍ someone walks into the room, just go, “Hey, let me show you this roleplaying game! It’s called and it’s 200 hours long and you get to meet the Phantom Thieves!” They will leave immediately like Grandpa Simpson seeing Bart and grabbing his hat.

And then, wꦚhen you’re completely, irreversibly, all by yourself, when those who raised🐈 you and cared for you avoid you at all costs and try to speak to you as little as possible, you’ll finally know peace.